As a Ph.D. candidate under Prof. Sharda Nandram, I heartily appreciate the beautiful connection with her. I believe it will create another vast stream in my life and my future yoga students. This story is about how I decided to dedicate my life to yoga and my spiritual journey.
I was born to unique South Korean parents. Both of them spent their early 20s fighting for South Korea’s democratization against a repressive government. My mother was imprisoned twice because she was leading the movement when she was just a college student. With a tremendous temper, my father violated the law during his youth and, surprisingly, never got caught by the police. My parents met while volunteering in night school for young workers who were unfairly exploited in industrial factories.
Life with my parents was very desperate initially, but it led me to a spiritual journey like it was ideally meant to be. My parents divorced when my brother and I were 5 and 7 years old. My Mother raised us, and I met my father again, when I was 18, about to decide what I will do with my life. At the time, he had already turned his life into a spiritual journey. He was dwelling in India to continue his sadhana. At that time, I had just got confirmed to join a bachelor’s programme in English study, but I decided to go to India with him. At the beginning of my arrival in India, I asserted that I would never study yoga. Since then, I haven’t used the word “never.”
I couldn’t speak English at all, so my father suggested that I join a one-month yoga course to learn some English. Honestly, It was my first time practicing yoga in my life. After a month, I received a mysterious paper. That was the first yoga teacher certificate in my life. After the end of the course, I fell in love with yoga philosophy. I felt like I had been studying it before. I was fated to get a bachelor’s degree.
While studying yoga philosophy, I understood why my father had to leave us. He was irresponsible in terms of moral values, but it was the right decision for all of us.
The yoga university where I studied has a system of ashram, institution, and hospital at the same place. What I, a young Korean woman, experienced during 5 years of ashram life could fill an entire story. After I finished the course, I started life as a yoga teacher in Korea. My first experience upon leaving India was quite frustrating. Because I could not get a job unless I could teach modified or modernized yoga. I had no choice. I had to invest a lot of time and money to learn all kinds of newfangled types of yoga. I taught modified yoga to many people for three years, but I could not find any clue that these kinds of exercises benefited people in a yogic way. Additionally, modern yoga created many adverse effects on the mind and body. After three years, I almost broke my body and became filled with restlessness. I decided to go back to my father and start to practice with him. Since then, I have only focused on a traditional teaching method and connecting the original principle of haṭha yoga practices. Finally, I am more confident in my teaching and bringing happiness to myself and my students. I do not look upon the new fancy ways of haṭha yoga.
I can’t say I haven’t been distracted by other things while these ten years passed. Sometimes my premature mind blamed yoga and wanted to run away from it. But I realized I couldn’t live away from it. Whenever I tried to escape and try to live like a common Korean girl, I spent a lot of time on enjoyable things. I used to get physically weak and sick and feel empty and chaotic inside.
Three big reasons made me decide to take a Ph.D. journey:
- First, I want to correct problems in modern yoga and suggest a proper guideline for them.
- Second, I want to offer a reliable and accurate method to all souls who can’t find their spiritual way. So, I hope there are not many people who get lost like my parents.
- Lastly, I need it to prepare further sadhana. Because, before I completely surrender myself to sadhana life, I need to conquer some of the desires and karma that can disturb sadhana.
Modern Korean society demands individuals to be like successful machine components. Every school educates children how to be good workers instead of good human beings. If you don’t, you are the loser in life. But we really need to learn who we are and how to lead ourselves to true happiness. Unfortunately, we have no guru. The knowledge of material and science replace the seat of the guru. We don’t study ourselves, but we spend our entire life learning about material. Maybe this problem is not only for Korea. I think getting close to this problem is something I have to do throughout my life. I don’t dare demand to be a guru, but I want to deliver the right way of spirituality to people who got lost on their journey to help them realize their life goals.
Once I fulfill my mission, I would love to go back to India and surrender myself to deeper spiritual sadhana. My life as Yeohye Kwak will be meaningful if this choice of life nourishes my soul to be at least a little bit closer to enlightenment for the next some other life. I certainly do not know when I will reach the goal, but all I can do is move forward in this life. Until my retirement is allowed from secular life, I hope God can lead many people to a spiritual journey through me.
Thank you for reading my story. It is a great honor to post my story here. Hari Om !!
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